Just a few years ago, I was something of a NeverNude. Outside of bathing, getting me completely naked was rare. Like many women who grew up in the 90s, my relationship with my body image was complicated. I remember very clearly when I started to dislike my body. I was 10 years old. This was when I began thinking of myself as FAT – and fat was a problem.
Was I actually fat? No. Not really anyway. I don’t think I was even considered “overweight” (by the ridiculous BMI measurement anyway) until adulthood – but from 1995-2021, I’m not sure there was ever a time I wasn’t thinking, ‘I need to lose weight’.”
And then I met Jeff*.
“I like chubby, slutty girls,” he told me. I froze. A rush of emotions hit me—offense, surprise, curiosity. But then, I paused. Why would I be mad? I was those things… and he said he liked that. So, despite my insecurities, we started exchanging lewds and he gratefully accepted with adulation every picture or video I sent.
In the following weeks, I guardedly joined a group chat of some friends who liked to share nudes and lewds – a group that offered a lot of diversity and body positivity. I started sharing photos there too. Over the next few months, my confidence blossomed. I wasn’t just accepting my body—I was falling in love with it.
Within a year, I felt like a totally different person. I went from someone who felt frumpy and unattractive a lot of the time, to someone who felt sexy and sensual. In turn, my confidence shone through and I received plenty of positive reinforcement in the way of attention and flattery.
Less than a year later, with encouragement from friends, I stepped into sex work—ready to reveal my body, in all its imperfect glory, to the masses. I had some apprehension… loving myself was one thing, but would I be able to handle any trolls?
Thankfully, I’ve had very little negativity to deal with—and if anything, I’ve become even more confident. Entering the industry also meant that I spent a lot more time looking at OTHERS as well – and seeing more and more diverse and beautiful bodies, just made me love my own even more. How could I look at the other beautiful women on X, with their round curves and soft bellies… and love those parts of them but not myself? I couldn’t! BODY IMAGE WIN!
So, my NeverNude days are behind me. Now, I embrace every chance to show off, not just as an exhibitionist, but as a warrior for self-love, body positivity, and the fight against diet culture. Likewise, I try to share that positivity with those I engage with online. Humiliation by request? Sure. But my default stance will always be: ALL BODIES ARE GOOD BODIES—INCLUDING YOURS.
Xo,
Penny
(Note: In late 2022, I ended up on medication that really hurt my appetite, and for the first time in my life, I started losing weight. I ultimately lost 70 lbs without really intending to – which feels like a kick in the ass after years of wanting nothing more. I’ve since gained some back – and I’m ok with that. But it’s important to me to acknowledge that my changed attitude and my discovered love of my own body occurred PRIOR to this loss. I learned to love my fat body all the same. This book was a major factor in that change, and I cannot recommend it enough.
And while I will not deny that I FEEL physically better and more able – I really try not to get too hung up on how I look now, or how I let that affect my body image).
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